Trying to Follow God's Will
Over the last several months, the issue of church attendance has been much discussed in our family. I have had friends ponder,"Can't I be a Christian and not go to church?" I also have had discussions concerning organized religion. At our house we have spent many hours contemplating church selection. Interestingly enough, our Sunday School class is in the middle of a study titled Finding God's Will.
At different points during the past 6-9 months, we have felt unfulfilled at church. The word that has been described to me was "stagnant." It fits. I felt that I had been doing something wrong. I must not be plugged in enough or simply not with it. Don't get me wrong, I feel as if I have grown spiritually, but not as a result of church leadership. God has placed incredible angels around me that challenge me and hold me accountable in words and actions. To them I am extremely grateful and proud to call them friends.
However, after months of prayer and seeking advice from wise counsel, what we realized is that God leads us many places. My wife and I have lived in 6 places in almost 10 years of marriage. Our lives and careers have winded in ways we could never have expected. What we also realized is that there are many reasons people attend and become involved in their churches. For us it simply was seeking spiritual growth through strong leadership and direction. I want to know where the ship I'm on is headed confidently and surely. I want harmony. I want the words, decisions and actions of my church to reflect the Greatest Commandment and the Great Commission. I want to know that the money given will support those endeavors.
We go to church to grow spiritually. Often times we stay because of commitments, friends, and guilt. It is tough to look outside your comfort zone. When you feel that God may be leading you to a new place in life, it sometimes comes with trepidation and questions. No doubt. But if I have learned anything this year it is to seek God's guidance and to follow His plan. Just like many who have wondered where God is leading them, so do I. It may be somewhere else, or it may be to gain some experiences and to remain. We will continue praying, seeking His will, and following that path.
posted by bfuller @ 8:59 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
This is an amazing topic and I am encouraged that you have opened it up for all of us. Community abandonment has been on my mind for many years. We have been a part of the EH spiritual community for 14 years. Being unchurched for the first 22 years of my life, this is the only spiritual community I have known, so obviously my thoughts and imagination are biased. Over the years, especially that past 5 or 6, many friends have come and gone. A large number have moved on because they have been relocated within their work environment, but an equal amount have remained in town and made the conscious decision to leave for a variety of reasons. Each time someone close has moved on I have struggled greatly. From my base of experience the source for the exodus is usually tied to a couple of reasons. The top two reasons being personal conflict and the notion of not being fed. Primarily this lack of spiritual nutrition is attributed to the worship environment, but not always. Often folks have moved on because of tension the feel with pastors, staff, or other members of the congregation. I can understand this, but I do struggle with the human condition that stands in the way of reconciliation. I think this condition impacts all of us in a variety of ways. I know it consumes me from time to time.
More than personal conflict, the cause for community abandonment that I struggle the most with is the bit about, not “being fed” and how that plays out in the context of being a functional and accountable member of a spiritual community. Like I said earlier, most of this is manifested through worship because that is the one, sixty minute portion of the week that folks are willing to haphazardly commit to God. Obviously some pursue spiritual nutrition through prayer, study, and fellowship, but worship seems to be an area in which nutrition becomes the responsibility of others, or God to “feeding” us. I had an interesting experience a couple of years ago when I began to discover, and build, my theology of worship and spiritual formation. I looked deeply into this through a worship class for my undergraduate degree. Going into my major writing project, for the course, I was influenced by a fuzzy lens that guided me to think that worship was about me, and about my being fed, about how I felt at the close of worship. Was I fed? Was I equipped to face the week ahead? Had I been recharged? Kind of the mecentric, me, me, I, my, I, me, me, sort of thing. What I discovered was that the majority of aspects of Kingdom Life might actually have something to do with me worshipping the one true God and supporting God’s saving purposes. That was a revelation for me. I discovered that God’s purposes might not actually deal with me being fed, but rather my contribution to the kingdom and God’s overarching purposes.
Without a doubt I think that we have to be fed to grow spiritually, but I guess I am under the impression that that is a secondary byproduct of the main objective. I can also tell you that when that byproduct does not exist I feel a sense of disorientation. In the realm of community abandonment I think this all plays a major role in our desire to move on, and I suppose it should. So, the question is… what are we committed too? Self preservation? Individualistic spiritual growth? God? Our current spiritual community? Our family? The Kingdom???? Where do we hang our spiritual and ecclesial hats? The weighing of these aspects makes the decision process for community abandonment excruciating. At some point we have to make a decision. Can our spiritual gifts and graces be best manifested where we are, or can we better serve God elsewhere? Can we get to a point where the byproduct of serving God actually affords us a taste of the kingdom? Or, is it useless, will our need to be fed lead us away, or, are we willing to put some energy into it and make a difference for the Kingdom where we are? This is tough stuff. I suppose that I tend on the side of the community. Relationships our too important to me and I am willing to sacrifice my own spiritual growth for that, or look to other places of intimacy with God for the nutrition byproduct. This is probably not healthy but it is a big part of my human condition and context. One of the major aspects of the “modern” era culture is the sense of individualistic priorities; conversely, I think the post modern culture would tend toward the community side of things. To me the modern side might say “What does this cost me?” The postmodern side might say… “What cost does my leaving bring to the community?” Those are costs we all have to weigh no matter what side we are on. Many that I care for have sided with the community and many have side on the individualistic side of things, and all have prospered and added to the Kingdom. It will, no doubt, be interesting when the Bishop decides that I need to abandon the spiritual community that I have grown to love.
The “Leadership” thing has me intrigued, and I will have to spend some more time thinking about it. Our preceding culture would suggest that Ecclesial leadership is a function of the pastors, staff, and certain lay leaders of a spiritual community. I’m not sure that I buy that. I guess I am interested in a more level playing field. Obviously some aspects of ecclesial leadership are a function of those “set apart” for sacraments and the ordering of the church, but I think the church of the 20th century has increased the size of the chasm between “professional” and “lay” level kingdom seekers. I am interested in seeing where the responsibility for “feeding” rests in all of this. No doubt a portion of visioneering and discerning God’s will rests on the shoulders of pastoral leadership, but everyone else in the community should weigh in. After all, I recall that Spirit Alive was born out of the desire of a few community folks that felt like they weren’t being fed in worship. Where has that energy gone? What effort are we willing to put forth for the Kingdom?... More on this later.
As to the topic of, "Can't I be a Christian and not go to church?"… Some might say that it is possible, but I can’t buy into it. To me, the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament are extremely communal!!! I am under the impression that God does not intend for us to go it alone, but rather in the context of a spiritual community.
Well, these are my thoughts for now, and I have blown one of my own blog rules… “don’t babble on.” Just know that you and your family have made a difference in my life and that I am praying for you, and support what ever decision you make. Ultimately you need to look out for the best interest of your contribution to the Kingdom of God…. This is an awesome topic.
Brad, I thought I would let you know that on chapelhillfellowship.org there is an audio clip of that first service you went to there. It is the only audio clip on there actually. Just click on sermon exerpts. Talk to you soon.
~Natalie
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